Settling in

Isabella is settling into our family well. Her big sister is delighted to have another family member to love...although she's still coming to terms with the fact that you can love lots of people at once. She told me the other day she loved little Is "instead" of me. Hmmm. She'll get there :)

At the moment we're laying low. Spending time together. Working out how to breastfeed whilst juggling a toddler on my lap. Learning to show love and attention to both our little ones in equal measure. Accepting that sometimes its hard to get that bit right. Starting to let go of toddler adjustment behaviours. Listening to others advice. Taking it on when it resonates. Letting go of other peoples expectations of me. Allowing us to just be.

To be honest, having a newborn again is more wonderful than I expected. I was prepared for the exhaustion after labour, the pain of breastfeeding, the shock of sleep deprivation and then the fog you live in until a routine is established. I know I'm only 2 weeks in...but there seem to be way more wonderful moments than challenging ones. I guess its true what they say - 2nd time is easier.

Thank you for your well wishes on the arrival of our little girl. It means alot to us. x

Baby love...

:: 3.84kg of baby love to be precise

:: a little pink one

:: 2 weeks early according to my gestational measurements. In perfect time according to me

:: She rolls onto her side - already. I may have an active one on my hands

:: introducing the newest member of our family - little Is

I'll show you more photos when I'm ready to share her with you. Until then, I'm cuddling and smelling and soaking up the newborn bliss.

A quilt for Hugo

Hugo was born 10 months ago and he's just received his cot quilt from me. Admittedly, I did give a card and gift on the day he was born...but I think we've all been waiting for the "real" gift. And now it's done. Much to my relief.

My friend dropped by sooner than expected after I finished the quilt, so I hadn't taken any pics of it. These pics are blurry and hurried - I took them before she left my house with it. No time to fuss and make them blog pretty (especially not while she's watching you with a baby on one hip and her toddler clawing at the front door to leave). But you get the drift...

Now to finish my own daughters quilt before our baby arrives. Only two weeks to go. Should be a cinch...?

Summer on its way...

This time last weekend our neighbours had a pool party - with an acoustic band. Two singers, two guitars and a drum kit. Oh, with amplifiers and microphones too. Lots of songs - enough to fill in the hours between 2 and 7pm. Lots and lots of songs.

Thankfully for everyone else in the neighbourhood they were really quite good. So at 4pm we sat out on our deck, filled the clam shell pool with water for S to play in...and soaked up the rays, music and beverages. A lovely way to end the weekend.

I think the Big Fella got the better deal on the drink front. Oh how I'd have loved a beer... :)

When I say I've been out and about...

So I got home from Daylesford on Thursday, went to an OB appoinment that afternoon. Unpacked, washed, repacked...and headed to Cape Paterson on Friday. I know - rest! I'm getting there...

We took advantage of the Melbourne Cup holiday and took a 4 day weekend. We decided to have one last holiday as a family of 3 before we welcome baby number 2. It was a great idea. We spoilt S with lots of time and attention, walks to the local shop for an ice-cream, picking wild flowers, playing in the sand, sitting on the rocks, chasing waves and walking home from the beach (you should have seen the look on the locals faces when I'd pause, grab my stomach and wait for my "stitch" to pass. It was hilarious - as if I was going to drop my baby then and there!). Throw in some bbq dinners and we had ourselves a wonderful time.

I'll let the pics tell the rest.

My view when I look down...I can spy a tiny bit of toe!

Where have I been?

Daylesford Lake

Well, since professing to be dead tired...I've kind of been out and about a bit. I know, what a whinger. If you're tired - rest! I hear you all, I hear you.

Anyhoo. Couple of weeks ago I accompanied a friend and her two little boys on a Thelma and Louise style trip (ie. no husbands, just two girls on the road...with their children) to the Daylesford/Hepburn area.

We stayed in a gorgeous old homestead and I had grand visions of spending our two evenings chatting over a cuppa while I stitched the binding on a cot quilt that is way overdue to be gifted. Not a chance. The kids were all funny about being in a different place, about having their friends there at night time, about the kookaburra's calling in the darkness...etc, etc.

Wasn't as relaxing as we had planned, but it was a lovely trip and the area is so beautiful. An added bonus was that we wore the kids out so they slept the whole 1.5 hour drive home... Bliss.

Dead Tired

S three weeks old

As the weeks of my pregnancy progress I find myself mentally willing to whip around everywhere visiting, organising, doing...but my body is starting to nag at me. I'm tired.

With my body starting to betray my will, I am taken back to those early days with S when the tiredness of a first time parent hit like a tonne of bricks. I'm trying not to feel apprehensive that I'm going back there again.

I'm told 2nd time around it's not such a shock and you're used to not sleeping through the night. Here's hoping... :)

Photo-less

I've been creating.

Nesting is a wonderful, wonderful thing - so much gets done. I think we'll all miss the nesting in this household when its replaced with sleep deprivation and the inevitable mess. My neat freak Big Fella will particularly miss it. God love him.

What has me in a tizz is that I can't find my camera. I took it out of my handbag to take a pic of a scarf I made for S and...gone. Can't remember putting it down. Don't have a clue where it is. And so I'm photoless for showing and telling on my blog. My descriptive talents aren't too bad, but I draw the line at show and tell without the show part.

So until my camera reappears...this little space is going to have to wait.

Wish me luck - I think it's time to get down on my hands and knees and look under things. 33 weeks pregnant. Joy.

Celebrating life

There are some of us who live our lives among the rest of you and seem to the naked eye to be as normal as the next person. In my case if you have a closer look, you'll see a scar. It's not there for all to see but it is ragged from a wound opening many times over the years. These days I'm happy to say it's getting silvery with age - the wound has not been torn open so much in recent years.

But the hurt has been deep. Penetrating. Breath-takingly deep.

Such is the hurt felt when you lose a loved one. In my case, my dad. 21 years ago today.

When I'm pregnant I think of him more frequently. Wonder what he would have been like as a grandfather. Would he like me as a parent? Would he melt into a thousand pieces in her presence like my mum does?

In 21 years you'd think I'd have let all the hurt go and just think of him fondly. Today I think I can say that I'm getting there. Real close. While driving a couple of weeks ago I thought of dad and then heard this clear, peaceful, strong voice in my head say "You need to let him go. It's ok that he's not here". I don't hear this voice often - but when I do I know it's not my thoughts. It's something so much more. And then something happened while driving through the Mooroolbark 5 ways round-a-bout. I gave in. I took a deep breath, shed a silent tear...and felt my body relax with relief.

Turns out I have been holding on so tightly to him that I never let myself feel his loss and move through it. In holding on I hadn't let go of the pain either...but I think it's time. He's not here and I'm ok. I have a beautiful life that needs every part of me present to enjoy it. It's time to let go and live in the moment, not the past, or in fear of the future and what loss may be ahead for me. There is so much to look forward to.

So today I choose to celebrate the life of one Peter Christensen. Thank you for being my loving, perfectionist, creative, compassionate, flawed, father. I am like you in so many ways and choose to carry your life, and not your death, with me from now on. Because your life is worth celebrating, and so is mine. x

The End

Today marks the end of my journey in gratitude. Actually, not the end of my journey, but the end of my public blogging journey in gratitude. Its really been such a lovely thing to explore. Disciplining myself to see some silver lining in a grey day, or having an outlet to share with you the things that make me feel so blessed.

I'm also proud to say that I posted every day. This is something I've never done before. I'm not sure I could keep up the momentum long term, but it has allowed me to share a bit more of myself, how I see the world and what makes me happy. It's been nice letting you into my head and heart a little more.

Thank you for coming along with me. Documenting the blessings in my life is such a simple thing to do that makes for a happier me. I plan to continue this privately, perhaps in a journal. Seeing the good in things on a daily basis can only be a good thing.

Perhaps my next challenge is learning to laugh when I come around a corner and see the scene pictured above before me. Cleaning porridge out of woven carpet? Ha, ha, ha! I'm delighted that my child is increasing her dexterous skills and further developing her love of textural art. Hmmmm - can't hurt to try :)

{30 Days of Gratitude}